Closing it down

I just noticed that it has been a year since I last posted here. I have been dealing with a lot of life...including a fight with breast cancer. I am doing a lot of reading while being treated and recuperating, and not so much thinking about sex and sexual relationships.

I think this blog has run its course.

I still recommend that those of you who are still seeking check out some of the resources I have used in my own search. They do help. Honest. Resources

So, to all the lovely people I have met along this journey..stay cool and stay loving. You are amazing. Maybe I will be back some day. I wish you all much love and happiness.

Naydi

Same as Always

So, we are watching a movie on TV the other night. It's cold outside, so we've bumped up the heat, and he is wearing only his flannel sleep pants, and my flannel nightgown is all I need tonight. His head is in my lap, his right hand lazily stroking the calf of my leg as he comments on the film or something. I am not listening. His voice is background music as I notice that his dark hair has almost as much silver in it now as his father's did when I first met his family. But as my fingertips lightly brush against his broad shoulder I am charmed that his flesh is still firm as a young man's---as it has always been. He works out.

I admire the V of his back, the broad shoulders tapering to his narrow hips. He has that belly that he works on reducing every day. I smile, knowing that he will always have that belly. He always has. He likes to think he is making inroads, though. I run my fingers down his spine, firmly tracing the smooth muscles, then I bring my fingers back up, lightly grazing the fine hairs along his back.  They too are silvering. He squirms a little, and his hand on my leg stills.

I lean down and kiss the nape of his neck, and he shudders. I kiss it again. He is very still, and silent now. I run my fingers along his spine again, until he squirms. The front of his flannel pants tents out a little. I am pleased that I can still do that: no Viagra needed!

I slide my flattened hand beneath the waistband and across the more heavily furred surface of his buttock. I feel the muscles move under my hand. "Take off your pants," I whisper into his ear. He stand up, faces me, shoves the pants down and steps out of them. He cups his balls with his left hand and then covers his erection modestly with the right.

"Masturbate for me, " I say. He looks into my face as he slowly grasps his penis and starts to stroke. It flops limply at first, but soon it begins to flop less, and starts to hold its own as my husband's hand pulls and squeezes rhythmically. After a few minutes (maybe two) it is round and thick, longer, filling his fist, the foreskin sliding smoothly back and forth, its eye winking at me from between his fingers.  When he settles back on his heels, he closes his eyes, concentrating.

I watch carefully as the flush rises from his chest, to his neck, to his cheeks. His breathing is more rapid and his hand is blurred with speed. "Stop!" I say sharply. He freezes, the hand on his penis relaxes. "Come here," I say, indicating the spot right in front of me. He drops his hands and his cock bounces joyfully as he moves toward me.

A tiny drop of clear liquid forms and slowly seeps past the opening of his foreskin. The head bulges under the hood, but doesn't emerge. Just that drop, quivering and glistening. I lean forward and delicately lift his cock toward my mouth. I catch the drop, letting it land on my outstretched tongue. I love how he tastes. Same as always. He sighs.

It occurs to me that I could use of a cup of tea. "Go make me some tea," I say, pushing him away from me. He heads for the kitchen, smiling wryly. "No touching!" I yell after him. "And make it the Earl Grey!"

Consensual BDSM for stress relief.

First of all, kudos to the scientists who are actually studying our kinky little ways, instead of dismissing them out of hand as perversions and mental disorders. In research presented last week at the annual meeting of the Society for Personality and Social Psychology in Austin, Texas they concluded that:

Consensual sadomasochism was long considered pathological, but psychologists studying people interested in BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism and masochism) have failed to find evidence that these sexual practices are harmful. One study, published in May 2013, actually found that practitioners of BDSM were better off than the general population in some ways, including having secure relationships and lower anxiety.

This is something that many of us already knew, and I think it may follow that those in Female Led Relationships may tend to have secure and satisfactory relationships and lower anxiety as well. I know that my anxiety is less than it used to be. I think part of the reason is that I understand the submissive man's viewpoint at lot better than I used to. And because I understand more, I respect more.

The scientists say that sadomasochism can result in a meditative or altered cognitive states for both the submissive and the dominant. (I think this is called "subspace" and "domspace".)

You can read the article here:
http://www.livescience.com/43502-sadomasochism-mind-alteration.html

Something else that I have been thinking about lately, is that feeling a dominant sadist gets of guilt for enjoying hurting someone you love, even though your submissive masochist has consented and actually desires being bound and disciplined. That is a whole other post, I guess.

(Image from my Tumblr, reposted from various other Tumblrs on the internet. If you own this image, and want it removed, then just send me a private message and I will delete it immediately.)

This Year's Going to be Better

Happy New Year, everyone. I am determined that 2014 is going to be better. I am "starting as I mean to go on," as my grandmother used to say. I am going to enforce my rules with my men, spread love and joy around as much as possible, do more of what I want to do, disengage from unwanted activities, exercise better supervision regarding hubby and subby so they are more efficient (and I am less pissed off).

I also have to remind myself every morning that assigning tasks to them and making them complete them is not unreasonable. In fact it is probably exactly what they need. So those are my resolutions for 2014.

What are you going to better or differently this year? Tell me (I might get some new ideas!)

Healing

"I am woman. Hear me roar..." yada, yada, yada and all that, sure. But sometimes I remember that all I ever wanted was to be his Baby. I am older than he is, yes, that, too. I am a little more experienced, true. I am old as well. But in my heart, in my secret self, sometimes I need to be his Baby.

I need him to hold me in his arms and reassure me. I need him to casually greet me, "Hey, Baby." (That warms me like nothing else.) I need him to say, "Of course I'll fix it, Baby Girl." When my heart is breaking, I need him to murmur, "Oh baby." When we are making love, I need him to tell me, "Damn, Baby!" When he begs, it tickles me when he says, "Please, Baby, Please..."

When my man calls me his baby, I would, at that moment do anything at all for him. At that moment, I know he is my protector, my champion, my knight.

I have learned that even though I am the leader in our relationship, sometimes I just need to toss that role aside and be his baby. HIS Baby.