Eternal Vigilance is Exhausting

I don't know if it is laziness, complacency, or carelessness on my part that leads my man to snap at me when I correct him, to make stupid decisions on his own, or to just be careless in his service. I don't let these things pass, but they really shouldn't happen, should they? 

I was so angry when I got a call from the bank reminding me that the monthly payment was late...first time in 10 years. I could not believe it. Our motto has always been that you pay the rent first, and then the water and lights. This is a simple lesson passed on by my grandmother. I find that it holds true. You can live just fine if you make sure you have shelter, water, electricity and groceries. The rest is fluff. It is my fault for not checking up on the bills every month, or even every other month. I think, however that my displeasure made a strong impression, but I have to be more vigilant. 

My Treasure snapped at me on the phone, when I was being particularly stubborn, and pressing a point about what I think he ought to do. Now the thing with unsolicited advice from one's Domme, is you have the option of not following this advice, but you do not have the option of not listening to it. I have not yet thought of a suitable punishment for using that particularly masculine tone of voice with me. Ladies, you know that tone I mean. I am open for punishment suggestions. Remember, he is an online sub.
Thanks!

I have been remiss

I have been remiss. I have not blogged as often as I had intended to. I would think of something, get all fired up, and then get distracted and wander off into doing something else. I have become the queen of the short attention span.

I appreciate that you guys have stayed with me, and that you keep offering your comments and suggestions. You have no idea how much that cheers me up when I see your email come through. I consider you my friends. Thank you!

Right now I am not fired up about anything in particular. My life and relationships are going along relatively smoothly…college son has not gotten a job or an internship for the summer like all his friends, so that is a problem. Grown up daughter has decided to change careers…but lots of people do that. I think it is a developmental stage. Grown up son (early 20s) is partying hard, but at least he is working and doing well there. So that is gratifying. My house cleaner told me that she thinks I should have my bedrooms painted, but did not offer me money to do so. Maybe unemployed college boy  man can do that this summer! Hubby has gone down to Atlanta to see the Final Four NCAA games. He gets to wallow in the testosterone pool with his brothers. The only bad thing about that is when he comes home, he will probably have a little trouble shaking it off, which may cause issues with me. We shall see.

My Treasure has decided he is not as much of a curmudgeon as he wants to be, now that it is spring time and he can get back to his garden. He cracks me up. We may get to spend some quality time together this weekend, as my social obligations are not infringing upon my “me time.” I have been feeling stressed that our times online together have been so fragmented…a few minutes here and there every day, with a phone call when I just HAVE to hear his voice. So I hope we can socialize more. I think our relationship needs that…reinforcement. Now to think of something that will reinforce our D/s relationship, but that is fun for us both. Maybe you can offer some suggestions?

Ahh, Romance

People are always giving advice to men about how to romance their women. There is also lots of information out there for submissive men about how to romance their dominants. However, there is precious little information for a dominant woman about how to provide a little romance for our submissive partners without upsetting the apple cart of a Female Led Relationship.

How do we show our men how much we value them without them forgetting their place?

Men generally think about unlimited monkey sex when they think about what is romantic to them. But you know, you just don't have to give in to that idea unless you just want to. I would NEVER think of letting my men top me, even on that most romantic day of days, Valentine's Day. That said, I have to come up with some more creative ways to romance my subby-hubby and My Treasure.

Here are some suggestions, many of them from the guys themselves.

1. Make them something. Draw them a picture, write them a poem or a song, or even just a letter telling them how much they are loved and needed. You can decorate it (make it all frilly and girly and perfumed if you like). I gave my treasure an illustrated (by me) little mini-booklet with the words of a song in it ("our song"). He loved it. Got a little misty even. I enjoyed thinking about him as I was drawing.

2. Cook or bake him something. My husband feels so special when I make him a cake that only HE likes (with coconut...ewww). You might even buy him a food only HE likes (crab cakes....ewww) if you don't cook.

3. Sext him. Send him sexy text messages throughout the day. He is used to reading your text right away, isn't he? It would be a kick for him to get your text in the middle of an important meeting at work that says, "I am getting wet just thinking about you. Think about me." No commands or reminders other than you think he is hot.

4. Touch him. Doesn't even have to be sexual touching, but that's OK too! A hand on his shoulder while you stand behind him. Hold his hand in public. Fix his bow tie. Make eye contact. Pat his ass as you pass by while he is doing the dishes. Scratch his back. (My husband purrs like a contented lion when I do that)

5. Let him know that you appreciate his efforts. There are so many ways to do that, but sometimes we forget and take our men for granted. If he has not quite perfected his service, tell him you appreciate how hard he tries. And do NOT follow that statement with suggestions for improvement. (That's the romance part). Just say that you know and you appreciate how hard he works.

6. Let him be your hero. And let him know that he IS your hero. He wants to feel respected, needed and loved. Admire how big and strong he is (physically or mentally or both). "Gee honey, you know so many things! You're so smart, I'm glad you're here to help me!" or "What would I do without you? I like how you just picked up that sofa by yourself! Now put it down over there." Men eat that shit up. There are some things that only a man can do, and there are some things that only YOUR man can do.

7. Let him go out with the guys, no strings attached, and without him having to check in at midnight. Let him go swim in the testosterone pool with no curfew. Suggest that he call Rick and the two of them go to the Braves game down in Atlanta for the weekend. (That leaves YOU free for the weekend as well. Win-win situation.) If your man is a sissy, take him with you for a spa weekend. Go someplace where you are not likely to see your friends, and let him swim in the estrogen pool. One time only deal, and only if they have been very good.

8. Wear the leather bustier and over the knee boots for him. Be his leather dominatrix for just one night, even though your flannel nightgown is much more comfortable.

9. Blowjobs are like flowers for men. You don't have to swallow. You don't have to let him come on your face. But you can spice things up for him by gagging. Men love it when you gag . Fake it if you have to (that will make him laugh). Of course he will have had to EARN this privilege.

10. Grant him his wish. Tell him in advance so he can think of a good one, or just surprise him by saying, "Yes" when he is expecting a "No." Tell him that you said yes because he is your man and he is a good man. A mighty good man.

How I Snapped Him Out of It

Happy New Year and Valentine's Day, dear ones! I have actually been living my life since my last post. Getting lots of year-starting type things done. 

However, My Treasure has been suffering from Seasonal Affect Disorder (SAD) . Now I tried being all sensitive and understanding, letting him be uncommunicative and sleeping all the time. He has a standing requirement to contact me daily, but I let that slide, since he was so depressed. 

You know what? It is really hard to see someone you love feeling so down and be unable to help. He asked me very nicely to give him time to pull himself together, and I know he was sincerely trying to drag himself out of the doldrums. But it was taking forever! This started before Christmas, and here it was, the end of January, and, dammit, I was getting lonely and depressed myself!

I am basically a positive and sunny person, which is why my sweetie likes me. When I did manage to get him to speak to me, it was actually like talking to Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh. I responded by trying to be sensitive and caring. That is what you are supposed to do as a loving domme, right? Well I tried, but I let him have his space. 

The one day near the end of January, It occurred to me that I had had enough, and so had he. His efforts to rise from his depression were obviously not providing the desired results. I decided to go with my natural inclination, and against the advice of friends who have experience with clinical depression. I ordered him to act like he was not depressed! 

Here is my reasoning. Felix is submissive, and is used to doing what I tell him to do. Maybe he needs me to give him some motivation to actually move forward. So a direct order may be what he is waiting for, what he needs. 

My experience as a corporate trainer, Naval officer and a parent have taught me that if a person performs an action, whether or not he is feeling it, he will often begin to feel it. Plus I get what I want, which is more time with a happier man. I know that you choose your attitudes. I think he needed me to order him to choose to be happier.  He needed a firm hand and a clear expectation from me as to how he can please me. My allowing him to wallow was counterproductive and it would have eventually led to a break-up, i think. I was not helping him, and he was not giving me what I need.

I think it worked. I hear from him daily, and what is even more pleasing to me, what lifts MY spirits, is that happy lilt in his voice when he says, "Hi, Domina!" in the morning, and "I love you, Domina," when we say goodnight. All is right with our world, once again.

Sub-spotting

At my husband's company holiday party the other night, I was introduced to my husband's secretary (or as she calls it, "administrative assistant") who is a nice, nerdy girl. I was also introduced to her boyfriend, a stunningly handsome man who obviously works out. He was carrying two plates of food. When he approached, she, in the middle of a conversation with another woman, didn't even look at him, but pointed firmly to a nearby chair. He sat. She continued her conversation while he cut up the food on one of the plares, and then held it out until she noticed it and took it. She was still talking and laughing, until she noticed the waiter bringing two glasses of wine. "Why is HE bringing drinks?"  she asked, laughing. The boyfriend smiled gently and said, "He saw me trying to carry it all and offered to help." She said thank you to the waiter, and began to eat while explaining to all of us why some departments at work need to update their event calendars. Boyfriend quietly ate his food while listening to her. He could not take his eyes off her. He was smiling.

My husband, who is too gregarious for his own good, said on the way home, "I think Lori's boyfriend was bored." I smiled there in the darkness. "I think he enjoyed himself. I wouldn't worry about him."