Ahh, Romance

People are always giving advice to men about how to romance their women. There is also lots of information out there for submissive men about how to romance their dominants. However, there is precious little information for a dominant woman about how to provide a little romance for our submissive partners without upsetting the apple cart of a Female Led Relationship.

How do we show our men how much we value them without them forgetting their place?

Men generally think about unlimited monkey sex when they think about what is romantic to them. But you know, you just don't have to give in to that idea unless you just want to. I would NEVER think of letting my men top me, even on that most romantic day of days, Valentine's Day. That said, I have to come up with some more creative ways to romance my subby-hubby and My Treasure.

Here are some suggestions, many of them from the guys themselves.

1. Make them something. Draw them a picture, write them a poem or a song, or even just a letter telling them how much they are loved and needed. You can decorate it (make it all frilly and girly and perfumed if you like). I gave my treasure an illustrated (by me) little mini-booklet with the words of a song in it ("our song"). He loved it. Got a little misty even. I enjoyed thinking about him as I was drawing.

2. Cook or bake him something. My husband feels so special when I make him a cake that only HE likes (with coconut...ewww). You might even buy him a food only HE likes (crab cakes....ewww) if you don't cook.

3. Sext him. Send him sexy text messages throughout the day. He is used to reading your text right away, isn't he? It would be a kick for him to get your text in the middle of an important meeting at work that says, "I am getting wet just thinking about you. Think about me." No commands or reminders other than you think he is hot.

4. Touch him. Doesn't even have to be sexual touching, but that's OK too! A hand on his shoulder while you stand behind him. Hold his hand in public. Fix his bow tie. Make eye contact. Pat his ass as you pass by while he is doing the dishes. Scratch his back. (My husband purrs like a contented lion when I do that)

5. Let him know that you appreciate his efforts. There are so many ways to do that, but sometimes we forget and take our men for granted. If he has not quite perfected his service, tell him you appreciate how hard he tries. And do NOT follow that statement with suggestions for improvement. (That's the romance part). Just say that you know and you appreciate how hard he works.

6. Let him be your hero. And let him know that he IS your hero. He wants to feel respected, needed and loved. Admire how big and strong he is (physically or mentally or both). "Gee honey, you know so many things! You're so smart, I'm glad you're here to help me!" or "What would I do without you? I like how you just picked up that sofa by yourself! Now put it down over there." Men eat that shit up. There are some things that only a man can do, and there are some things that only YOUR man can do.

7. Let him go out with the guys, no strings attached, and without him having to check in at midnight. Let him go swim in the testosterone pool with no curfew. Suggest that he call Rick and the two of them go to the Braves game down in Atlanta for the weekend. (That leaves YOU free for the weekend as well. Win-win situation.) If your man is a sissy, take him with you for a spa weekend. Go someplace where you are not likely to see your friends, and let him swim in the estrogen pool. One time only deal, and only if they have been very good.

8. Wear the leather bustier and over the knee boots for him. Be his leather dominatrix for just one night, even though your flannel nightgown is much more comfortable.

9. Blowjobs are like flowers for men. You don't have to swallow. You don't have to let him come on your face. But you can spice things up for him by gagging. Men love it when you gag . Fake it if you have to (that will make him laugh). Of course he will have had to EARN this privilege.

10. Grant him his wish. Tell him in advance so he can think of a good one, or just surprise him by saying, "Yes" when he is expecting a "No." Tell him that you said yes because he is your man and he is a good man. A mighty good man.

Our duty is to hold our men accountable.

“A man who is accountable to no one is a danger to himself,”—Ilyana VanZant

I would add, “…and to others.” She was talking about Chad Johnson (formerly Ochocinco) who has had too much money, too much freedom, too many women and nobody to tell him, “Enough!” He has, as a result, wasted his opportunities and hurt the people who love him.

Men need someone to hold them accountable, be it an employer, a wife, a parent, a family, or God. We should be teaching our sons to be accountable to someone else, to understand that life is not all about what they want, that they have a responsibility as men. They also need someone to consciously hold them accountable.  When a man marries, his wife should hold him accountable for his actions, thoughts and deeds.

One year anniversary of our FLR.

Today marks one year since my treasure gave me the gift of the ownership of his collar. It has been a wonderful year of learning and discovering, and loving. We didn't do anything special to celebrate, but we did make a toast to a hopeful future.  It is wonderful to have a friend that loves me and thinksbthat serving me is all he needs to be happy. I am cognizant that I am indeed the most fortunate of women to have found such a friend. I love my old man. I treasure how we are together. 

How do you know?

I was visiting my favorite forum today (At Her Feet) and one of the topics really got me to thinking. The poster was saying that he and his wife have never met any other couples in a Female Led Relationship, even among all the kinksters they have met.

I submit that an FLR is something many, if not most couples keep under wraps, since it is outside the traditional stated norms in our society. Therefore, it would be hard to spot under normal circumstances.

I also believe that it is more common than we would think, because of that reason, and also because many relationships are female-led, but the couple does not think in those terms, since they are basically vanilla. Any marriage/relationship in which the husband defers to the wife, in which she makes the decisions, in which her desires guide their lives together, in which she controls the what, when, where and how of their sex life and myriad other things, is a FLR.

I see it all around me, now that I know enough to look for it.

In my own marriage, I never knew. I knew that I made most of the big decisions, I controlled our social and sex life, my desires and satisfaction always takes priority and that my husband actively looks for ways to please me. I thought these were completely natural. I knew that I do not like to be bossed around, especially by my husband. I know that I demand that I be respected, spoken to respectfully and politely, and that I must be asked, rather than told. Again, I find these things completely natural. That is how I was raised, and my parents and grandparents were good role models for this.

So how does a couple know if they are in a Female-Led Relationship? Tell me your ideas, please. Let's get a dialogue going.