Out of My Control

My relationship with my dearest Felix seems to have gone out of control. It's an online relationship, which makes that harder to take.

He suffers from depression. I knew that. But I felt that I was able to bring a little joy to his life. I really did. But he has, over the last week been in touch with me only obliquely...he likes my posts on Facebook, he takes his turn at Words With Friends. But no talking. No chat. No phone calls. Not even to say hello.  He knows he is to make contact at least once per day, but liking a post on Facebook does not count, in my opinion. Everyone does that.

So this morning he tells me he has withdrawn from the world (I guess that includes me) and has found it difficult if not impossible to deal with any tasks and even to get started doing anything. I am at a loss for how to deal with this situation. I want him to interact with me. I miss him so much. But I don't want to make his life more miserable or overwhelm him. He won't even share what he needs. Does he even need anything from me? Another thing we promised when we started this relationship, was that we would communicate our feelings. He either can't or won't now.

I don't know. It is all so depressing. For both of us.

Bucket List

BronnieWare wrote this article for AARP.org on February 1, 2012 about what the people she cared for in the last weeks of their lives, as a palliative care professional, told her they regretted now that they were dying. 
I think this is something we need to think about in terms, not just of our day-to-day lives, but in terms of our sexuality. Looking at this from my viewpoint, having, later in life, learned to accept myself and my dominance, these five things might very well make up my new, improved Bucket List. I just hope it is not too late to accomplish these things. This is all the more timely for me as this week I celebrate my 60th birthday. I am at the point where I need to look at how I am going to spend the next 20 to 30 years.There are so many things I have yet to experience (Spanking, bondage, pegging...the list goes on.) I think I need to update my list!

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

This was the most common regret expressed. If you have finally embraced your sexual orientation, your kinks or fetishes without excuses, without apology and without shame, then you can be proud that you have accomplished something millions of others have been unable to do. That should be the basic accomplishment of any life; "I did it my way!"

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

This was expressed by more men of the previous generation, but in ours and those that follow us, it might be a regret that more women express. We tend to put off spending time with those we love and want to build trust with. We need to remember that we work so that we can live, and those we love are the most important parts of that life. So we need to go ahead and live!

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

If you tend to suppress your feelings in order to keep the peace, you need to cut it out. Express yourself. That is one way to make your mark.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

Love and relationships is what life is all about. Build and keep those who love you and those you love close to you. The thought of dying alone should be enough to make you make that phone call.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Realize that you choose to be happy or unhappy. Your choices are what makes you happy, and your happiness is not the responsibility of anyone else. Do what makes you happy. Live surrounded by beautiful and useful objects, among people you like. There are some things in the world that are awful, but if you choose, you can be happy and when you are happy, those who love you will be able to choose happiness as well. 

Apply this Bucket List to your FLR life...is it possible? Yes. I want to be able to die with no regrets. Read the article at Bronnie Ware's blog.

Eternal Vigilance is Exhausting

I don't know if it is laziness, complacency, or carelessness on my part that leads my man to snap at me when I correct him, to make stupid decisions on his own, or to just be careless in his service. I don't let these things pass, but they really shouldn't happen, should they? 

I was so angry when I got a call from the bank reminding me that the monthly payment was late...first time in 10 years. I could not believe it. Our motto has always been that you pay the rent first, and then the water and lights. This is a simple lesson passed on by my grandmother. I find that it holds true. You can live just fine if you make sure you have shelter, water, electricity and groceries. The rest is fluff. It is my fault for not checking up on the bills every month, or even every other month. I think, however that my displeasure made a strong impression, but I have to be more vigilant. 

My Treasure snapped at me on the phone, when I was being particularly stubborn, and pressing a point about what I think he ought to do. Now the thing with unsolicited advice from one's Domme, is you have the option of not following this advice, but you do not have the option of not listening to it. I have not yet thought of a suitable punishment for using that particularly masculine tone of voice with me. Ladies, you know that tone I mean. I am open for punishment suggestions. Remember, he is an online sub.
Thanks!

I have been remiss

I have been remiss. I have not blogged as often as I had intended to. I would think of something, get all fired up, and then get distracted and wander off into doing something else. I have become the queen of the short attention span.

I appreciate that you guys have stayed with me, and that you keep offering your comments and suggestions. You have no idea how much that cheers me up when I see your email come through. I consider you my friends. Thank you!

Right now I am not fired up about anything in particular. My life and relationships are going along relatively smoothly…college son has not gotten a job or an internship for the summer like all his friends, so that is a problem. Grown up daughter has decided to change careers…but lots of people do that. I think it is a developmental stage. Grown up son (early 20s) is partying hard, but at least he is working and doing well there. So that is gratifying. My house cleaner told me that she thinks I should have my bedrooms painted, but did not offer me money to do so. Maybe unemployed college boy  man can do that this summer! Hubby has gone down to Atlanta to see the Final Four NCAA games. He gets to wallow in the testosterone pool with his brothers. The only bad thing about that is when he comes home, he will probably have a little trouble shaking it off, which may cause issues with me. We shall see.

My Treasure has decided he is not as much of a curmudgeon as he wants to be, now that it is spring time and he can get back to his garden. He cracks me up. We may get to spend some quality time together this weekend, as my social obligations are not infringing upon my “me time.” I have been feeling stressed that our times online together have been so fragmented…a few minutes here and there every day, with a phone call when I just HAVE to hear his voice. So I hope we can socialize more. I think our relationship needs that…reinforcement. Now to think of something that will reinforce our D/s relationship, but that is fun for us both. Maybe you can offer some suggestions?

Ahh, Romance

People are always giving advice to men about how to romance their women. There is also lots of information out there for submissive men about how to romance their dominants. However, there is precious little information for a dominant woman about how to provide a little romance for our submissive partners without upsetting the apple cart of a Female Led Relationship.

How do we show our men how much we value them without them forgetting their place?

Men generally think about unlimited monkey sex when they think about what is romantic to them. But you know, you just don't have to give in to that idea unless you just want to. I would NEVER think of letting my men top me, even on that most romantic day of days, Valentine's Day. That said, I have to come up with some more creative ways to romance my subby-hubby and My Treasure.

Here are some suggestions, many of them from the guys themselves.

1. Make them something. Draw them a picture, write them a poem or a song, or even just a letter telling them how much they are loved and needed. You can decorate it (make it all frilly and girly and perfumed if you like). I gave my treasure an illustrated (by me) little mini-booklet with the words of a song in it ("our song"). He loved it. Got a little misty even. I enjoyed thinking about him as I was drawing.

2. Cook or bake him something. My husband feels so special when I make him a cake that only HE likes (with coconut...ewww). You might even buy him a food only HE likes (crab cakes....ewww) if you don't cook.

3. Sext him. Send him sexy text messages throughout the day. He is used to reading your text right away, isn't he? It would be a kick for him to get your text in the middle of an important meeting at work that says, "I am getting wet just thinking about you. Think about me." No commands or reminders other than you think he is hot.

4. Touch him. Doesn't even have to be sexual touching, but that's OK too! A hand on his shoulder while you stand behind him. Hold his hand in public. Fix his bow tie. Make eye contact. Pat his ass as you pass by while he is doing the dishes. Scratch his back. (My husband purrs like a contented lion when I do that)

5. Let him know that you appreciate his efforts. There are so many ways to do that, but sometimes we forget and take our men for granted. If he has not quite perfected his service, tell him you appreciate how hard he tries. And do NOT follow that statement with suggestions for improvement. (That's the romance part). Just say that you know and you appreciate how hard he works.

6. Let him be your hero. And let him know that he IS your hero. He wants to feel respected, needed and loved. Admire how big and strong he is (physically or mentally or both). "Gee honey, you know so many things! You're so smart, I'm glad you're here to help me!" or "What would I do without you? I like how you just picked up that sofa by yourself! Now put it down over there." Men eat that shit up. There are some things that only a man can do, and there are some things that only YOUR man can do.

7. Let him go out with the guys, no strings attached, and without him having to check in at midnight. Let him go swim in the testosterone pool with no curfew. Suggest that he call Rick and the two of them go to the Braves game down in Atlanta for the weekend. (That leaves YOU free for the weekend as well. Win-win situation.) If your man is a sissy, take him with you for a spa weekend. Go someplace where you are not likely to see your friends, and let him swim in the estrogen pool. One time only deal, and only if they have been very good.

8. Wear the leather bustier and over the knee boots for him. Be his leather dominatrix for just one night, even though your flannel nightgown is much more comfortable.

9. Blowjobs are like flowers for men. You don't have to swallow. You don't have to let him come on your face. But you can spice things up for him by gagging. Men love it when you gag . Fake it if you have to (that will make him laugh). Of course he will have had to EARN this privilege.

10. Grant him his wish. Tell him in advance so he can think of a good one, or just surprise him by saying, "Yes" when he is expecting a "No." Tell him that you said yes because he is your man and he is a good man. A mighty good man.