Monday, May 21, 2012

New Display Cabinet

my treasure and I were in Second Life last evening, exploring the grid, as we frequently do, when we found this really neat wood display cage, wall-mounted, in one of the Shibari sims. We immediately bought one and mounted it on the wall in our living room. I did not know what to do with it right away, but I did know that my treasure likes being restrained, while I am not all that into tying people up in ropes and knots. We found that this object appeals to both of us. Because of the Restrained Life relay in his collar, when I put him into the cage, posed decoratively, with his cock protruding from the bars, he was actually unable to leave the cage. I made sure he was unable to call for help as well. It has a timer on it, and I can set it for Real Life time or Second Life time.

I found that I enjoyed having him restrained like this, as it did not seem to me that he was being injured in any way, but yet, he was able to focus his entire attention on me and that is all. I have a feeling we will be using this lovely display cabinet in many ways for a while. Besides, he is so decorative himself, I think of him in that contraption as Art.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

How do I get my partner to dominate me?: Evolutionary Psychology and male chastity - what's in it for her?

How do I get my partner to dominate me?: Evolutionary Psychology and male chastity - what's in it for her?

This post by Giles English gives me something to think about. This justification for male chastity seems to be right on target for me. Take a look and tell me what you think. I think that getting an orgasm without having to worry about being penetrated is the nirvana I have been looking for all my life! Why, I could have one every day, if that were the case!

Next book I am going to read is the Vanilla Dominatrix by Giles English. 
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Wednesday, May 2, 2012

How do you know?

I was visiting my favorite forum today (At Her Feet) and one of the topics really got me to thinking. The poster was saying that he and his wife have never met any other couples in a Female Led Relationship, even among all the kinksters they have met.

I submit that an FLR is something many, if not most couples keep under wraps, since it is outside the traditional stated norms in our society. Therefore, it would be hard to spot under normal circumstances.

I also believe that it is more common than we would think, because of that reason, and also because many relationships are female-led, but the couple does not think in those terms, since they are basically vanilla. Any marriage/relationship in which the husband defers to the wife, in which she makes the decisions, in which her desires guide their lives together, in which she controls the what, when, where and how of their sex life and myriad other things, is a FLR.

I see it all around me, now that I know enough to look for it.

In my own marriage, I never knew. I knew that I made most of the big decisions, I controlled our social and sex life, my desires and satisfaction always takes priority and that my husband actively looks for ways to please me. I thought these were completely natural. I knew that I do not like to be bossed around, especially by my husband. I know that I demand that I be respected, spoken to respectfully and politely, and that I must be asked, rather than told. Again, I find these things completely natural. That is how I was raised, and my parents and grandparents were good role models for this.

So how does a couple know if they are in a Female-Led Relationship? Tell me your ideas, please. Let's get a dialogue going.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

An evening at home (SL)

 My treasure and I are partnered in a FLR in Second Life. After we complete a scene, he is allowed to show his devotion to me. We live in a comfortable log cabin in the woods. We have a real home together and a real female-led relationship.


Monday, April 2, 2012

About Punishment

When my treasure neglected twice in one week to contact me for a whole day, causing me to worry and spend a lot of time trying to locate him...something humiliating for ME....I had him write 100 lines for me: "I will remember to contact my Domina every day so that she does not worry." I had him show his pages to me with the webcam. And it worked for us. He was reminded of his submission, and his responsibilities, and I was able to get free of the anger he had caused. I had felt insulted, taken for granted, and humiliated by his disregard for me and my feelings, because he had gotten caught up in something else and had not even given me a single thought all day.

So, his punishment. I always thought punishment like this was something you did to children, but doing it to my sub, while it may seem childish, establishes that he is serious about submitting to me, and it gives me a chance to get over my anger. The punishment is done, I see that he sees my point, and I don't have to stew, or think about how to get revenge. It is done and I can forget it. We both can move on from it immediately.

So I think using punishment is a good thing to practice and refine. And a  bonus: It is a workable part of managing our relationship online.

More thoughts on punishment: http://subservient-husband.blogspot.com/2010/06/punishments.html