Saturday, March 17, 2012


What really interests me lately, is all those people (and I guess it is a failing all humans have to one extent or another) that have to make up rules for everything. These people continually try to make others obey these rules that they have made up or think they have discovered.

In the D/s life, they tell anyone who would listen, that there are things you are "supposed" to do, to like, to enjoy, otherwise you are doing it wrong. They observe something or have heard something and make it the rule for everyone. For instance, here is one such "rule:" All men like to be teased and denied an orgasm. Of course, that means, that if you are doing female domination correctly, you must deny yourself a cock inside you. And you have to deny yourself the pleasure of feeling his cum pumping into your hungry pussy. Because those are the rules.

Now, personally, I love men. I love cocks. I love how a penis looks and tastes and smells. I love to feel its strength in my hand, and feel it throb with the need to explode. I love to feel it sliding in and out of me, and throbbing and pulsing before it floods me with heat and wetness. Do you think I am going to deny myself that joy? Not likely.

I get to decide about his orgasm. I get to decide about mine. Therefore, I get to decide when he may come inside or on me. I get to decide when and how often. I get to decide everything. But if I am going to deny him, then I have to deny myself. I never deny myself. And his job is to keep me satisfied.

Therefore, new Dommes, there is only one rule. You and your partner make them up for yourselves! That is the rule. Remember that you are in a relationship, and a relationship is viable when the needs of both people in it are met. You get to decide how that is accomplished. You develop your own rules, rituals, communication styles, play scenarios, limits, etc.  You get to decide what his submission means to You.

The rule-makers often cite their vast experience in the D/s or BDSM life. ("I have 20 years as Dom"). They have NO experience in YOUR life. So they should shut up. Anything they tell you is about what works for them in their lives. Not yours.

What a new Domme needs is space. Space to discover and create your own D/s relationship with your submissive friend and lover. Space free from the rules as determined by someone else. Space to learn and grow as a couple in a relationship. Like that of every other human on this planet, your story is unique. Use your space to write your own story by your own rules.


  1. Have you considered keeping a chaste husband & a lover to placate your sexual desires?

  2. I have thought about it, but i know myself. I tend to fall in love, and that would cause any number of problems. I think i have hit on a way to protect my heart. This is what works for us. Thanks for sharing the idea, though. I wish I could pull something like that off...I have fantasized about a lover, though...

  3. Mistress Naydi,

    Ahh, I see. Well yes, I would actually think you falling in love with your lover to be expected, but loving two men is not a bad thing. Each would be different. I see now you have a husband and an on-line submissive. Perhaps I got it backwards. Perhaps have a husband who placates your throbbing cock desires and also have a submissive who is kept chaste and devoted to your service.

    I find the effect of prolonged chastity on service to be useful. I completely understand that the domme is the one who gets to choose and if she wishes to give daily blow jobs to enjoy an erect man getting off to the touch of her mouth and the salty taste of cum to enjoy then by all means, it is the submissive's obligation to find a way to fulfill his service to his domme in whatever way she enjoys. If she chooses to do this to her submissive he should comply and she should feel free to enjoy his penis as she wills. Alternativly, she may choose to do so with another man and simply keep her submissive devoted and chaste. Male orgasm has a way of messing with that by causing after effects which are commonly counter to a submissive’s service to his domme. I completely agree that there is no 'right' way. However, I do think the tool of chastity and orgasm management to be useful and commonly found helpful.

    I am hopeful I am not coming off as sounding condescending and suggesting there is only one way to do things. I remember early on that bothered me greatly. Instead I am trying to objectively contribute my view for consideration. Hope you understand.

    I like your blog very much. My wife has been given the link to see if she will approve me following it routinely. I will let you know if she does.




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