Sunday, March 25, 2012

My Treasure's Playlist for his Domina

His task was to make a playlist that illustrates how he feels about me and our relationship. He, as usual, does a great job. Some of the songs are weird, but I guess they meet the criteria. These were HIS songs that made HIM think about us.  So really, I should not complain. I do enjoy the other selections he has made for our playlist.

Our relationship is difficult, being online and long distance. We rarely get to see each other (though I intend to remedy that soon…that is another post) and never get to touch. We do talk online every day, and several times a week on the phone. But I have to dominate him virtually and find ways to do that. What is required is that we have mutual trust. I think we do have that trust, but I have to do something that satisfies him as well as me in order to keep the D/s relationship intact. 

One of the things I like to do is having him complete tasks for me.  He has to have instructions and he has to be able to prove his devotion and submission to me. My treasure has several responsibilities, and he is very attentive to them. One is reminding me of appointments and commitments. He also is the detail man, making sure that I am prepared for whatever the appointment requires. He does research, keeps notes, and coordinates logistics. And he takes good care of me in that regard. However, I sometimes give him other tasks. Special tasks that keep me at the forefront of his thoughts.

The last task, the playlist, was fun for him, I think, because it did challenge him and he knew it would create something tangible for me to keep. I think about him and us the entire time I am listening to it. And because it is also on his Spotify, he can enjoy “our songs” as much as I do.  

The other day I was listening, and the lyrics of the song, “I’m Your Man” by Leonard Cohen, got me to thinking. We were in Second Life, and he was masturbating for me.  I told him to take his (real life) penis out of his pants and basically just let it lay there, exposed, so that I could direct him to fondle it, or masturbate, or not, as my whim determined. I like the idea of making him expose himself for my entertainment.  I told him that I could order him to turn on his webcam (it had been broken, but now it is working again…which he “forgot” to tell me) and watch him with his penis. He volunteered that he would prefer that I not do that. (I had not asked his preference in the matter, and though I know he does not react well to being humiliated…he should not feel humiliated under my eye should he?) I think (I hope) he understood that I can watch him and his penis if I want to, and that he has no privacy from me. He and everything about him belongs to me. I reminded him that either he was my man (thank you Leonard Cohen) or not.He was quick to assure me that he was my man. But I think he was a little frightened that I could command him to turn on his webcam if I felt like it. And he would have to do it.

So I thank you, my treasure, for reminding the both of us about our relationship with your really nice selection of music for us. Here it is.

Playlist for Domina

Saturday, March 17, 2012


What really interests me lately, is all those people (and I guess it is a failing all humans have to one extent or another) that have to make up rules for everything. These people continually try to make others obey these rules that they have made up or think they have discovered.

In the D/s life, they tell anyone who would listen, that there are things you are "supposed" to do, to like, to enjoy, otherwise you are doing it wrong. They observe something or have heard something and make it the rule for everyone. For instance, here is one such "rule:" All men like to be teased and denied an orgasm. Of course, that means, that if you are doing female domination correctly, you must deny yourself a cock inside you. And you have to deny yourself the pleasure of feeling his cum pumping into your hungry pussy. Because those are the rules.

Now, personally, I love men. I love cocks. I love how a penis looks and tastes and smells. I love to feel its strength in my hand, and feel it throb with the need to explode. I love to feel it sliding in and out of me, and throbbing and pulsing before it floods me with heat and wetness. Do you think I am going to deny myself that joy? Not likely.

I get to decide about his orgasm. I get to decide about mine. Therefore, I get to decide when he may come inside or on me. I get to decide when and how often. I get to decide everything. But if I am going to deny him, then I have to deny myself. I never deny myself. And his job is to keep me satisfied.

Therefore, new Dommes, there is only one rule. You and your partner make them up for yourselves! That is the rule. Remember that you are in a relationship, and a relationship is viable when the needs of both people in it are met. You get to decide how that is accomplished. You develop your own rules, rituals, communication styles, play scenarios, limits, etc.  You get to decide what his submission means to You.

The rule-makers often cite their vast experience in the D/s or BDSM life. ("I have 20 years as Dom"). They have NO experience in YOUR life. So they should shut up. Anything they tell you is about what works for them in their lives. Not yours.

What a new Domme needs is space. Space to discover and create your own D/s relationship with your submissive friend and lover. Space free from the rules as determined by someone else. Space to learn and grow as a couple in a relationship. Like that of every other human on this planet, your story is unique. Use your space to write your own story by your own rules.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

What about Romance?

Got to thinking after Valentine's Day. My date night with hubby was nice, but kind of routine. On the other hand, my date night online with My Treasure was very nice. Romantic. He does not often play the romance card, but when he does, it is delightful.

I suppose that my day to day time with my husband is often romantic...and we have been doing it for so many years, that the feeling is more of comfort and familiarity, than thrills and excitement. That is to be expected, I guess, especially when we are stressed and busy and have to squeeze in time together. We are usually so tired, that when we find time together, we just want to sleep. And eat. But he is very good about doing little romantic things that I like, like sending me teasing emails and sending flowers and surprising me. (Limousine in NYC...with champagne!)

My online Treasure, on the other hand, hardly ever gets to be romantic with me, because I am the one calling the shots, most of the time. I occasionally ask him what he would like to do, but that does not lend itself to romance. How can he be romantic when I manage his every action? No surprises there.

However, on Valentine's Day, My Treasure was romantic. He surprised me with a new trap apparatus that featured him imprisoned in the center of a flower, naked, and he presented me with the controls. Plus there was the usual card with shooting hearts (which I love). We played happily the rest of the evening while he told me how much he loves me and how he thinks romantic thoughts about me. I found that so charming.

So, while he is my submissive and I love him, he thinks of me as his girlfriend, and he thinks of me romantically. There is a place for romance in a D/s relationship. So glad we found that out.