Friday, December 14, 2012

Submission is not a feminine trait

It really irritates me when someone, anyone, refers to my submissive friend, or someone else's submissive male partner as "girly" or "sissy" or "the woman" in the relationship. And it is even more insulting when the man is obviously not effeminate.

Why is submissiveness assumed to be a feminine trait? I think it is just that men wish women were inherently submissive. Men have been trained to think that women are attractive only if they are submissive and conformist. (Men still say that they are fascinated with Asian women because they are supposed to be little dolls that are submissive. If they ever actually met any women of Asian descent, they would be shocked!) But some women, like myself, are attractive, definitely NOT submissive, and not very conformist.

That leads me to another general complaint. Why do sooooooooo many people assume that all dominant women prefer their submissive men to be womanly? I bet the real story is that a majority of heterosexual dominant women prefer their men to be manly. I do not find sissies attractive. To me it is a a kind of affliction or affectation that you just accept about a person and try to ignore as much as possible, like a missing limb or something. You just try to not stare and deal with the person respectfully despite their disability.

As a dominant heterosexual woman, I don't understand why I would be expected to be sexually attracted to a man who is emulating his idea of what a woman is. And I suspect that women who like to sissify their men are in reality bisexual or gay. I have no idea what the men in these situations are thinking. Perhaps they will tell me.

My Treasure says that wearing women's clothes holds absolutely no interest for him. He would obey if I wanted it, but only in the same way that I would allow foot worship: It does not a thing for me, but I tolerate it because I am a cooperative person, and if it isn't inconvenient and doesn't annoy me, why not?

My Treasure is a manly man, however, and I appreciate that so much. I enjoy being a girl. I enjoy being the ONLY girl in my relationship. And he is one of the millions of men who find a dominant woman attractive. Thank God for these men.


  1. Preach it sister!! You sure were in a mood to step on some toes with this post. I feel that in the D/s culture, speaking your mind on this topic is like talking about religion or politics to vanilla folk. Yet I couldn't agree with you more. Men were made to be masculine and that masculinity is attractive to women - as is a feminine woman to a man. Being a Domme or sub really is just another trait added onto the respective genders that some find appealing and others don't.
    As an aside - I'm glad you are back blogging. I've missed your posts

  2. Mistress Naydi,

    I am very overtly submissive. However, I watch the NFL, I love my chain saw, and am a woodsy kind of guy (spending time in the woods). I love to barbeque and being close to a beautiful women makes me jelly. I am very comfortable saying my sexual orientation is fixed.

    Thx for the post.



  3. Thank you, guys. Real life was kicking my ass, but things are more relaxedvaround the holidays, actually, and that gives one time to notice things and share them. And I have to tell you, having man friends is so much mre interesting to me than having girlfriends.

  4. Mistress Naydi
    I am a submissive husband to my mistress but we are still both relatively new to this. What I would say I have learnt is that each relationship seems to be unique just with different mixes of ingredients. Similar to SH I would describe myself as a masculine man and my mistress is keen that I am seen that way publicly although respectful of her. She insists on me wearing panties and underwear as part of our relationship but generally as a humiliating act not a desire for a permanent sissy. I see it as part of her domination over me. I certainly don't think it has anything to do with her being bi or gay.

    1. You're right....each relationship is unique. I think there is a big difference between a woman making you wear women's underpants as a means of humiliation, than womanizing or sissifying a man.

    2. i am a white male that is straight, masculine, and very strong. I like being a man, but am submissive to Dominate WOMEN only. It is in my nature to submit to a Superior Dominate WOMAN. My Mistress would sometimes desire to feminize me as a means of humiliation and pleasing her because she would tell me it is what She wanted to do. It was always very degrading, but She said it was for my conditioning to be Her slave. To help me become more obedient to her. She was not making a sissy out of me, but it always immensely emasculating for me though. She was not gay or bi , but made me submit to forced bi. This was the most humiliating thing she ever forced me to do. Also, Black Dominate Women are stronger Women and make the best Dommes. TRUST is by far the most important aspect of ant D/s relationship. TRUST is essential if the Domme and her sub are to experience the profound ultimate in ecstasy. Have you ever totally submitted yourself helpless to another person's complete control. And the Domme feels Her POWER over him.... completely.

    3. Thanks for your reply, jay. I must take issue, though, with your implication that Black women are any stronger or different than any other women. The stereotype of the Strong/Angry Black Woman is a leftover of slavery, and it is a partner to the stereotype of the Big Black Cock which portrays Black men as sexual wild beasts. Mammy and Mandingo, if you will. Dominance and submission are not racial traits, just as they are not related to gender. Perpetuating these sexual fantasies plays right into perpetuating misogyny, misandry and racism.

      You are right, though, to emphasize that trust is essential in any
      D/s relationship. And no, I have never submitted myself to anyone.

      Best regards.


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