Saturday, May 5, 2012

How do I get my partner to dominate me?: Evolutionary Psychology and male chastity - what's in it for her?

How do I get my partner to dominate me?: Evolutionary Psychology and male chastity - what's in it for her?

This post by Giles English gives me something to think about. This justification for male chastity seems to be right on target for me. Take a look and tell me what you think. I think that getting an orgasm without having to worry about being penetrated is the nirvana I have been looking for all my life! Why, I could have one every day, if that were the case!

Next book I am going to read is the Vanilla Dominatrix by Giles English. 
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  1. I am knowledgeable about evolutionary psychology and definitely agree with the statement that male chastity "actually makes better sense from her point of view than from his..."

    The male is programmed to want to copulate with any female he can, so as to spread his seed to maintain his line (genes). That contradicts with the female desire for stability, wherein she wants to have "the right" male to bond and be vested in the family. Sex is a very powerful bonding mechanism. I don't think the relative ease of orgasm between male and female is an accident (from an evol. psych point of view). Men want to come quickly, deposit their seed and move to the next female. This contrasts with females, that want a male that takes his time to satisfy her. There is clear evidence that conception success increases when accompanied with a female orgasm. I believe that is a "test" that forces the male to "prove his worth" to his female and help her to decide if he is "the one". Does he pay attention to my sexual needs? If yes, then he likely will pay attention to her needs when she bears his children. If no, he could be off to the next female, so she is programmed to reject him as "the wrong one".

    So there is an inherent tension between male and female sexual motivation. The female doesn't want him to stray to other females (which would dilute valuable resources), so she has an incentive to develop a strategy that keeps him interested in HER. A chastity belt with his paired female holding the key definitely satisfies the woman's needs. He has to stick around (because she holds the key) and he can't stray to other females because he is locked. His resources will be diverted to her exclusively. That certainly goes against the male evol. psych goals of spreading his seed.

    I know from personal experience that my desire for my Queen increases with time apart or, in an FLR context, orgasm denial. When she gives me a taste of sex but doesn't let me climax, I am interested in her and I focus on her needs more. She likes that. I *can* be a jerk after I do come (although I am working on that). I have read claims that brain hormones are associated with this as well.

    So, with that reasoning, I fully agree with Giles' statement that male chastity is aligned with female evolutionary psychology goals.

  2. Mistress Naydi,

    Yes. Every day is an option. Even more on occasion, if you wished. My wife often enjoys more then one per encounter.

    Mr. GE is a very wise man.


  3. I am confused by your comment. I remember you posting some time ago that you felt that as the Domme there were no rules other than 'your rules'. You commented that you enjoyed your sub penetrating and orgasming and that you loved the feel of that and that was something that you didn't want to give up. Now you are posting that this thought of 'hard chastity' is a narvan thought. Again, the choice is yours and your sub will obey.

    Personally I love denial. I love serving and making the focus of our love making all about her and pleasing her as long as I can by denying myself the desire to orgasm. I do want orgasm, don't get me wrong, but I love hearing her cum. I love hearing her excitement and passion building as she reaches what she desires and will experience.

    Being denied just once for three months I have found that when I was permitted an orgasm, it was almost anticlimactic. It wasn't the peak that I wanted it to be. I love being permitted to get to the edge and then staying there so long. I hate when she finally has had enough but I am left horny and wanting and that is how she wants mne..... craving her.

    Mistress Naydi, I have enjoyed reading your posts and will continue to do so. I like that you make me think. Take care.

    1. That is the great thing about getting to do whatever I want: I can change my mind. Also the more I learn, the more I grow. I don't really like the idea of keeping a man in chastity, but I can see how it is desireable in some circumstances. One of those circumstances might be that I might want an orgasm with no strings attached. Maybe every day.

      I do know that hubby and subby are more attentive to my wishes when teased and then denied. Like unsolicited housework. It is all good. And frankly, that is HAWT!

    2. Hi Ms Naydi - I've got a follow up book in the pipeline called "The Roman Dominatrix or The no fuss way to erotically dominate your man when you aren't very kinky"... Would you like to see a review copy?- Giles

  4. Mistress Naydi,

    My wife holds the key to the brass pad-lock which holds me in a chastity device. I know she will not even consider giving me the key back until after christmas. She enjoys sexually using me to give her oral and also me using a bullet vibrator on her and has many satisfying orgasms while I am kept chaste through it all. She has found it works out well for her to simply keep me locked.




Thanks for your comment. It'll be published after it has been reviewed.