Monday, May 21, 2012

Robbing Mistress to Pay Miss

The Purple Mobius symbol for Polyamory, non-mo...
The Purple Mobius symbol for Polyamory, non-monogamy, and LGBTQ. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
I have had some thoughts about polyamory lately. One of the bloggers I read is shared by his wife with her friend, and the friend seems to be developing, in my opinion (not that it is any of my business really) an unhealthy attachment to the slave hubby.

It has been my experience that man-sharing with another woman is usually extremely dangerous. There are several reasons for this:
  • When a man's attention wavers from Mistress, he gets distracted from his primary mission. You do not want that. Most of the discussion I have read centers on ways to keep your submissive's attentions and efforts focused on Mistress. Man-sharing subverts your efforts, no matter how well-intentioned.
  • Sorry to have to say this, my sisters, but the other woman starts to do what I call, "pissing in the corners." She will start to mark out territory. Even a submissive woman will do this. You have no way of knowing what she is telling him in the boudoir if you are not there.You do not know what she is giving him that he can't get from you. You should be making sure that he understands that what YOU give him is all he is entitled to.
  • It is my opinion and experience that a man cannot serve two mistresses, whether that other mistress is work, porn or another woman. (We all know that when a person is abusing pornography, he (normally he) begins to impose his fantasy life on his real live partner, who cannot measure up to the fantasy.) This is an excellent reason to limit your submissive's use of pornography. We might apply that same reasoning to a submissive's relationship with another domme.
It is my opinion and experience that a successful poly relationship must consist of one woman and two or more men. The men have only one goddess to worship and serve, and even if they do have sexual relations with the other men, they will all still focus on the woman. Any competition between the men would enhance their attentions to the woman. (Maybe a poly relationship between all women would work, also. That is a whole different subject.)

I have been thinking about and reading about the possible reasons for this phenomenon. (This is not scientific or anything, but I have been around the block a time or two, so I can express MY observations here, right? Anecdotal evidence only, folks.)

It all goes back to the basic biological fact that sex and love mean different things to men and women. Women, in general, value sex more with a partner that they care about. I have read over and over that women who engage in cuckolding their partner, eventually develop feelings for their "trophy cock" owner, unless of course they specifically take measures to avoid becoming attached.

Men, in general, on the other hand, can spread it around and save their love for one woman, even while engaging in  random sex with anything that walks upright. Therefore, in the case of a poly-amorous triad involving two women and one man, a man may try to keep peace in the house by trying to please both women, while being unaware that in doing so, one woman is bound to be slighted. He might end up robbing Mistress to make Miss happy.

Or, it might be his fantasy that he is man enough to satisfy any number of women; a kind of harem fantasy. Dominant men as well as submissive men have this fantasy. And I have seen over and over, that dominant men fail at achieving that fantasy, too. I can't count how many times I have heard a sub woman say, "Master doesn't have time for me." Master is spending his time trying to keep them all happy. Ask any Sister-Wife.

I warn my sisters who are in a poly relationship or who may be contemplating sharing your subby boy with your girlfriend. Watch that dynamic closely and be ready to cut it off at the first sign that she is marking out territory with your man, or if you see that he is not able to keep up with YOUR needs because he is dividing his efforts trying to keep up with HERS.

The first time he is too tired to do something you have instructed him to do, or when he just seems to be going through the motions, nip that shit in the bud. Just saying.

Man-sharing is dangerous.

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  1. Interesting commentary here. I'd be curious to have your thoughts on our three way relationship over at UCTMW. Do you think one Domme can keep two men satisfied without the problems you've outlined here when a woman shares her Sub male with another woman?


  2. Thanks for your comment, Mick. I have been thinking about how to answer your question.

    I believe that one woman can keep two submissive men satisfied, especially if she is keeping them in chastity. She will probably love them both, and love them more as they please her and live to please her. If they practice cuckoldry, and she has scheduling issues, a submissive man may be able to deal with that better, since he would expect something like that to happen.

    The submissive expects to be teased and denied, but he is confident that he is loved. A woman generally has to feel that she is loved in order to feel satisfied. That is why a woman will start to mark out territory with a man. She needs the love. I don't know of many women who will just tolerate being a sex object if you are not paying her. But I think many men would tolerate being a sex object if his Mistress ordered him to. He can perform even if there is no love involved.

    And Mistress, at least, is not used to being teased and denied. It just ain't happening.

    I hate making generalizations, so I just say to pay attention to the signs. As we used to say in the Navy, "Watch your Six."

  3. Mistress Naydi,

    I agree. There is the prime-time show "Sister Wives" which shows a household of successful Poly with one man and four women. I agree if the man is the submissive, he should be the property of one women.


    1. I don't know how successful he was. I don't think much of the accuracy of tv reality shows. And remember, Big Love? Bill was unable to keep up, and it drove him nuts. But that was fictiion tv. I suspect that everything was not as rosy as portrayed, for obvious reasons.

  4. O'Yes, this is a great post, ture to point. A fantasy of my husband is to be lent out to another woman for service. I have done this a few times, but only for a day. A little while back he was lent out to two college girls to help more thme into a dorm room. He loved having these young women boss him around. This was a gift for him. My husband nromally wears a small locked collar under his shirt. It is a reminder of who he belongs to. Kathy


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