“A man who is accountable to no one is a danger to himself,”—Ilyana VanZant
I would add, “…and to others.” She was talking about Chad Johnson (formerly Ochocinco) who has had too much money, too much freedom, too many women and nobody to tell him, “Enough!” He has, as a result, wasted his opportunities and hurt the people who love him.
Men need someone to hold them accountable, be it an employer, a wife, a parent, a family, or God. We should be teaching our sons to be accountable to someone else, to understand that life is not all about what they want, that they have a responsibility as men. They also need someone to consciously hold them accountable. When a man marries, his wife should hold him accountable for his actions, thoughts and deeds.
Otherwise, he is like a fire hose out of control. He careens aimlessly and without discrimination in pursuit of sensation: power, sex, food, drink, violence, etc. He gives in to his desire to acquire, to possess, to take, to break, to destroy, to have that fleeting orgasm. These out of control desires sometimes escalate into destroyed lives and destroyed futures.
Mothers teach males to slow down to experience other sensations: to look, to taste, to listen, to smell, to hold something gently in their hands (you mothers of boys, remember teaching him not to squeeze the puppy hard, no matter how much he loves it?), to nurture, and to love. It is ours to give them structure, accountability for themselves and responsibility for what they do and who they love.
When their mothers turn them over to their female partners, it becomes the wife’s duty (and here I mean all wives, whether dominant or submissive) to give a man
•Structure in his life
•A focal point (or person)I
•Someone to be responsible for
•A means of slowing him down so that he can experience other sensations
•A way to give rather than take
•A way for him to exercise self-control and self-discipline
•The lessons in loving
It always inspires me when I see the roughest, baddest man out there “come to heel” for his mother, if no one else. Our men also need to come to heel for their women, for everyone’s sake.
Most men I know love fiercely and forgive quickly, much more so than any woman. That is a beautiful gift they possess. Butthey must be taught to channel that gift in positive ways. They must learn to plan for and act to earn their rewards. They must learn to serve without expecting anything in return. As women we must use our femininity to lead our men to accountability, so that they are no longer dangers to themselves or others. I know, it is a big job, but since we like men (they are the cutest things) and we have to live among them, we really should train them to be civilized and useful to us. We do that by insisting on accountability and leading them firmly in the right direction.