Venus in Furs

Now reading Sader-Masoch's "Venus in Furs." It is free on Amazaon Kindle.  But what struck me right away, is this passage:

"Man is the one who desires, woman the one who is desired. This is woman's entire but decisive advantage. Through his passion nature has given man into woman's hands, and the woman who does not know how to make him her subject, her slave, her toy, and how to betray him with a smile in the end is not wise."

"The more devoted a woman shows herself, the sooner the man sobers down and becomes domineering. The more cruelly she treats him and the more faithless she is, the worse she uses him, the more wantonly she plays with him, the less pity she shows him, by so much the more will she increase his desire, be loved, worshipped by him. So it has always been, since the time of Helen and Delilah, down to Catherine the Second and Lola Montez."

This has the ring of absolute truth to me, and it is something we women know instinctively. The sad part is that when we fall in love for the first time (or the fiftieth) we tend to forget this. And we should always remember it.

Subby Christmas Party

Had a new experience. The Wednesday before Christmas, I accompanied my treasure to a Christmas party given by his men's submissive group at their headquarters. I was interested to see where they held their meetings and to meet some of the people in the group. Interestingly, the leader of the group was a Dom (a dominant man). I think it is very unique that a Dom would take it upon himself to get a group of submissive men together for mutual support and learning. And kind of sweet.

It was kind of strange for me to be The Date to my treasure at an event like this. I behaved exactly like a girlfriend should, and I could tell he was proud to show me off. It was fun. And I felt good about doing him proud. A lovely evening, and a lovely subby.

Why I love him

I gave my treasure a writing assignment. I believe it is helpful to both of us to do a quality check once in a while, so I know if I am doing what I should for him, and he knows how I feel about his service and his care for me. So I had him write out a status report, as it were. That inspired me to to write an email to him explaining why I love him. This is why I love my old man, my submissive man, my treasure.

My treasure, that was so special. Now I have to do an assignment myself. What do I treasure about you?
I treasure your support and loyalty, and how you are quick to help me, to comfort me. I love your companionship, and you always make me laugh. It is touching how you are sometimes shy with me. Your sense of adventure is precious to me. You are always up for something new, and you have a passion for learning new things. You also are able to lead as well as follow, and I am proud of you every day, watching you do that in your management of the denizens of the mansion.

All in all, I have the feeling that you are a much nicer person than me...and I am so glad that you have decided to surrender to me, and I can count on you to keep me grounded and on the right path, by the sheer force your goodness. Do you know, I have never ever seen you be mean to someone? Stay as beautiful as you are.

I will do much better in keeping you bound up and bound to me. Promise.

Love,
Your Domina

So Many Issues, So Many Questions

Caught a glimpse of the title of a forum...Interracial D/s relationships. Didn't stop to read it, but I wonder, what is the deal with that? I may not have mentioned that I am African-American (Black) and my Treasure is Caucasian. He is also older than me, though not by much. I can honestly say that we have not once thought about these things in our relationship...well, I haven't. I wonder if he has issues around that? (I seriously doubt it, though.) The issue of race comes up in our conversation very incidentally...and we accommodate it, laugh at it, or it is just incidental to the topic.

I have to say, though, that he does eat "white people food." What is the deal with Brussels Sprouts anyway? (He taunts me with them!)

Dommesticity: Do submissive men hate women?

Dommesticity: Do submissive men hate women? 

Amai cites a survey on the attitudes of dominant and submissive men. Interestingly, the submissive men seem to have more sexist attitudes than the dominant men, as well as lower self-esteem. Read the article for some interesting insights.

Provides a possible answer to the issue of submissive men not being able to find a Domme and having to resort to paying a professional. I know I do not have any interest in dealing with a big pile of self-esteem issues and neediness. I like a strong self-confident submissive man.

My Treasure's Blog

Last night, My Treasure made a blog. Her Treasure: My journey in submission is brand spanking new. It's an outgrowth of a discussion we had last night. I got the idea from some couples' blogs I had been reading, and got to thinking that this might be a great way for the two of us to learn more about one another, thus becoming more intimate.

Our talk, which took place in Second Life (SL) after he gave me a bath, and we made love, was very satisfying to me. He was so open to journaling with me and has jumped right in with both feet. I am looking forward to us chronicling our parallel journeys to where our lives have intersected. You see, that is how you get to know someone's heart. The stories they share.

Though I only see him in SL, he is the treasure of my heart in Real Life. I can hardly wait to discover and understand him so that together we can have the best relationship possible within the constraints of the rest of our lives.


Image: zirconicusso / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Feeling of Being Owned

My Treasure said to me the other day that he likes to be bound, wear his collar, as well as go around leashed to me, because it gives him a satisfactory feeling of being owned. He said that he has never been very social, not much of a "joiner." Being bound, collared and leashed makes him like he belongs (at least in our alternate universe).

Of course, he belongs to me, but I have always been careful to protect him from the vanilla men we encounter (women do not seem to find it odd that I have a submissive) by just requiring the collar. Evidently I do not need to protect him. He likes it. He told me that being collared and leashed in public, and bound in private (and sometimes in public!) tells the world that I have chosen him, that he is capable of satisfying a strong, outgoing and successful woman. So, his collar and leash are his way of showing off!

The important thing, though, is that it makes him feel safe, cared for and that I am thinking of him. That I am showing the world that "he is Mine." I am showing the world that he is someone I care about and care for. So I am showing off, too. Maybe I will take him for a walk on his leash this evening.